What Eyes Are You Seeing From?

Something to think about….

Parents, sometimes children won’t tell you that they have been mistreated, abused, molested or raped…they may not tell you what was said to them or never said at all… SIMPLY because they are trying to protect YOU. Yes, our children try to protect US out of a deep urgency to protect what they love…. even though those are the things hurting them. Ask me how I know… There are two major reasons that I did not confide in my father about these very things. One, I always felt the NEED to be his protector AND  two, after telling him so much and no changes came about, I deemed it useless.

Being the victim of multiple incestuous, molestation and rape situations I can attest to sweeping my hurt under the rug to protect my fathers feelings. I can recount the numerous times I was taken advantage of down to the very time I actually initiated or asked for it. I became so accustomed to the sexual abuse so much so that I felt that’s what I HAD to do. So, before another piece of my innocence was ripped from me, I decided to give it away. What a choice for an eight year old to make! In the pit of my stomach I knew that if I told my dad what was happening that he would go to jail for murder and I just couldn’t stand to lose my best friend.

As I prepared myself to write about forgiveness and what that looks like from the eyes of hurt vs. the eyes of reality, I interviewed my Father to gain his perspective. I did this because I realized that I only had my assumption to go off of. I had never confronted him about his lack of intervention on my behalf. There were only two logical explanations that I could come up with. One, being his religious beliefs and the second, being that he loved this other person far greater than the love he had for me. There was no doubt in my mind that my father loved me, however, that was not enough to ensure my safety.

I say all of that to say this…

When we look at things from the eyes of our hurt, disappointments, rejections and so forth, the truth becomes distorted. For the times that we are morally justified in our choice to be unforgiving towards someone, there is still a PEACE of reality that we are missing. That missing PIECE is what will help us to make the choice to forgive. Forgiving someone does NOT mean we have to have a relationship with that person or that we are okay with what they did to us. It SHOULD mean that we are acknowledging that we are giving power to that person or situation and NO LONGER choose to do so. Once you begin to walk in forgiveness you will find the PEACE that you are missing. Sometimes, we have to get on without our offenders ever taking responsibility. The greatest challenge is accepting an apology that you will never receive. Forgiving is being free!

Parents pay attention to your children. They did not ask to be here. It’s your responsibility to fight for and protect them at all cost. Even at the cost of your own feelings and the sake of having to face your own demons. It’s never too late to right your wrongs or acknowledge your shortcomings. Even if your children are grown you still have to protect them to some extent.

Children, sometimes parents don’t know how to deal with situations. Maybe they were NOT taught how to. Maybe they ARE selfish. Maybe they are scared. Whatever the reason is, you TOO have a responsibility. That responsibility to ensure YOUR own healing! Stop the cycle with YOU because your children did not ask to be here, just as you didn’t. You only owe it to YOURSELF to be the best you possible.

I challenge you TODAY to take a step in your healing journey!

For a more in depth view of the many challenges I faced and my journey to freedom through forgiveness, purchase my memoir series, Before I knew You & Tormented Soul of an Empty Grave COMING SOON! (Third Title to be released later)


Proverbs 3:5-6 New International Version (NIV)

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart

   and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways submit to him,

   and he will make your paths straight.[a]

Prayer: Father, thank you for doing only what You can. Thank you for seeing our needs and coming to our rescue. I ask that you would allow us to see ourselves as you see us. Forgiveness in today’s world is far fetched but I know that You possess the power to make the impossible possible. Thank you for the relationships that will be restored, YOUR truth that will rise above our own understanding and for Your love that lifts us out of despair. In spite of what our past has been You hold the keys to our future. We don’t have to suffer because you are the healing balm of our hearts. Help us to consult and consider You for every connection and re-connection that we seek to make. No matter who is or who is not, Lord, help us to allow You to ALWAYS be enough for us… to be content in our position in Your will. Help us to submit our minds unto you and be properly positioned to do as you say. Furthermore, I pray that You would grant us a forgiving heart just as we seek forgiveness from those whom have offended us. I pray that you will get the glory out of every area of our lives. I seal this prayer in faith, trust and hope. Bless Your Holy Name. Amen.


  1. Steffanie Starkes on June 2, 2018 at 4:10 pm

    Sis. This is sooo needed. Thank you for your transparency and I thank God for what He’s doing in your life in order for you to be free and snatch others from the fire.

    • Shannan Starr on June 2, 2018 at 4:17 pm

      Elder Steffanie, thank you so much for those words. My prayer is that many will recieve their healing through my story. But if it only changes the life of one person I know God will be pleased. Please pray for my stength as things get much deeper from here. God Bless you, and love you much.

  2. Tejuj ( daughter) on June 3, 2018 at 2:32 am

    Mom, I know that I am your daughter in all but this really touched my heart and I am being serious about what i’m saying.

    • Shannan Starr on June 3, 2018 at 2:50 am

      Baby Girl, the more mature you grow the more you will understand. Right now you are wise enough to understand more than I may realize. I want you to live your life to the fullest. Every day that God grants you give it back to Him. Learn from my story and grow. I pray that although you have seen my darkest times, that strength is what you hold on to. Nothing in this life is possible without Christ. You and I are connected in so many ways. You are one-third of my perfection. The gifts that God blessed you, give it back to Him. I love you to Christ. Know that I am serious about what I’m saying. Mucho Agape!

  3. Aracely rodriguez on June 12, 2018 at 1:18 pm

    Proud of you Shann xoxo God Bless you

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